This blog is for me, and maybe for you too. If you are that girl (or boy of course) that has lived their whole life, as to put it honestly, Fat... Then here's to you!
Here's to you when you think that everyone is staring at you, when no one wants to sit next to you on the bus. When you feel every one is judging you with every bite of your lunch. Here's to you when you feel out of place walking through a mall because you know that not a single store sells your size.
I'm going to stay honest here, its really the only way to go. Here is my story, and I am sure its pretty much the same as all of yours!
Ive always been big, starting right from Primary school years. I was never thin and athletic like all the other girls my age. I started out chunky, and man oh man was I chunky. I wore the usual tights and sweaters that all other girls matched with their scrunchies in the 90's but always a bigger size. Changing for gym in the locker room? Still as traumatizing now as it was all those years ago.
High school, while I put on more weight wasn't horrible. I had my friends and my share of boyfriends, but I was never comfortable in my own skin. Standing in front of a mirror I would ask myself "Does this make me look fat? Of course it does, need to change!" and sadly the answer should have been "NO... Being fat makes you look fat".
After re-reading that last sentence, I feel the need to stop right here and explain. I am not bashing myself here, and really I mean it. I am not looking for pity, and I am certainly not hatting on myself. I am just being completely honest. According to doctors in North America I am Very Obese. I get that, and agree, and after many years of avoiding the word I am finally in a place in my life I can say it.... I AM Fat, Fat, Fat.
So back on track. After an uncomfortable Prom in a dress that made me feel like a blimp it was off to college, where living on Rez I put on a freshman 50 rather then 15. Not going to lie, college was fun, and the food was fast, and I didn't regret a single bite.
So here I am 5 years later sitting at... (here goes nothing) 265 pounds. Not healthy and certainly not happy. So I figure this is the last major thing I need to do in my life. I love where I am living, I have a good job, and the best little puppy a woman could ask for and I ask myself what is left? Well looking in mirror it is clear that the only thing that could make it or break it is my health.
At my age you would think its a vanity thing, and it should be. But really? I don't give a damn what others think. What I care about now is getting healthy. For the longest time it was about what everyone else thought of me, and I think that may be the reason that I have never succeeded in losing weight. I was doing it for everyone BUT myself.
Now is the time for me, and maybe it will be the time for you. Who knows? So I have decided to document this journey in a blog. Who knows maybe it will give me the strength to do what I so desperately need.
Lose the load.
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